Thursday, September 13, 2007

How can I keep from singing?

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Singing and praise are my "outlets" of sorts. I will happily pop in a cd, crank it up and just belt it out along with the cd. Right now Chris Tomlin has an amazing song out called "How Can I Keep From Singing".

Every now and then I have an "anthem" song - one that just sticks in my head and is one that I can listen to over and over again without really tiring of it (my family may differ on this!). Whatever is going on in life at the time gets associated with that song. So for a few months this is it. When I first heard it, something just struck in me. Here are the words to that song:

Life hasn't been extremely difficult for me, but there have been times when I haven't known exactly what to do: when we found out our first little boy, Aaron, had died inutero; miscarrying twins a few years later; Zachary's bout with meningitis, my pregnancy with Kaleb - all times that weren't "comfortable" as it was, and when all I knew how to do was just worship and praise God. Despite a part of me thinking, "Worship? Now? Seriously!"

But I worshiped.

And as I worshiped there was an unmistakable peace over me. Peace like I don't generally feel. Despite my circumstances. I was being cared for, held, cradled, and loved by Him. He knew all that I was going through. He wasn't going to abandon me. And despite my circumstances I could only praise Him. Even now as I write this I am so emotionally overwhelmed by the grace He continues to pour over me. Over each of those memories and times when I needed Him more than anything.

When Zachary was diagnosed with meningitis I knew in my heart that he would be okay, but seeing his usually energetic little body just limp was difficult. Rick and I had a radio in the hospital room and just started playing worship music and it was AMAZING the change that came over him. Right away he opened his eyes, started moving his little feet, and started perking right up. Thinking about that just makes me smile and cry at the same time.

I wrote a quote in my Bible by Warren Wiersbe - "Worship is the believer's response of all that he is - mind, emotions, will, and body - to all that God is and says and does. It is a loving response that is balanced by the fear of the Lord, and it is a deepening response as the believer comes to know God better." The emotions. Got that. It's my mind and will that have the most difficulty. Too distracted at times. Focused on other things and not on the One I should be focused on.

Sometimes it's easy to worship. Especially in those times when I feel nothing but broken. Nowhere to go. No One else to run to. No One else to respond to.

I love hearing and watching my children worship. And they do. Zachary loves to sing. Constantly. Our van is generally filled with little voices praising. And on any given morning before he gets up, I will hear Zachary in his room singing some worship song with all of his might. The girls love to dance and praise. And they have no inhibitions in doing so. That's just the way it is. There are times when it truly brings tears to my eyes and I wonder in those moments how it affects the heart of God. If it's affecting me - how does He see it? They have no inhibitions. No worries. They just do it. Oh to be more like my children in that sense. To constantly have a song in my heart and be ready to sing it and not worry!

We were created to worship Him. To be in relationship with Him - and bottom line - to worship. No matter what our circumstances are. And He meets us where we are. Isn't that amazing? When we worship - He meets us and we are pulled into Him. "I can sing with my last breath, sing for I know - that I'll sing with the angels and the saints around the throne."

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