Season of Destiny - Part 1

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With ladies retreat in the back of my mind, I am going to share some "pre" retreat stuff that God has/had been working in my heart and then follow up in other posts with more stuff - otherwise, I might

a) never get a post on about anything of substance due to the intimidating size of the post

b) have one of the longest posts imaginable

c) lose you somewhere after the first 2 sentences, because it can be difficult to connect the dots at times in my mind

So, with that said, I'll start with a few weeks ago, or maybe a month or so now...time flies so quickly at times, we had a guest speaker at our church who has a strong gift in the prophetic. Rick and I took turns attending the meetings at church that weekend (someone had to stay home with the kids, right? :). I was able to attend one of the smaller evening sessions and he shared a lot about what God has been doing in the church planting that is going on with his ministry. After his time of sharing he spoke over a few at the meeting, me included. My initial reaction to him speaking to me was {hushed internal whisper: "Umm....are you sure you are talking to me? You do realize that one of the PASTORS is sitting right behind me. Don't be fooled by his jeans. It's just me."} and then after the meeting - "How does that apply to me?" I don't know if you've ever been in a place where others have been given prophetic words, but generally I'm thinking "Wow! that is SO right on for them."

The word that was given to me had to do with dreams.

"Don't be intimidated. Don't be scared of the dream God has put in your heart. You have seen glimpses - ask how? God wants to do things so big, radical, beyond you, so the HE gets the credit! Don't be afraid to dream. God designed you to be a dreamer. He has a process you are working through - in the end, will work through circumstances."

I left the meeting not sure what was going on in my mind, not able to put my finger on things and spent time talking to my husband about it and several other friends. Time crying. Time searching. I wasn't quite sure what to make of things. The main reason being I feel that since becoming a mom my dreams, my desires, my goals have been pushed aside. Every now and then I might have a flash of things, but it seems to quickly fade amid the mopping up of spilled juice, wiping of a little mouth, sweeping, laundry, picking up....I think you get the idea - and I don't think I am alone in this, either. I feel at times that I've lost me, even though I know I have slowly been evolving (I hate that word, but my brain is mushy right now) into a different stage of my life. And how do I "mesh" this stage along with - well, that's part of the dilemma. I'm not sure where I should be.

Fast forward a few weeks and I've been still searching, trying to sort some things out and I am reading an article by Jill Austin called "Your Season of Destiny" from Spirit Led Woman (Oct/Nov 2007 issue). I'm just going to put in some of the quotes that really struck me.

"The enemy sees your potential. Your dreams are dangerous to him. He know that your life has God-ordained destiny. If you embrace God's full purposes for your life, you will be a powerful weapon to defeat Satan and bring freedom to many....We learn to value comfort and security, but what we call security is really insecurity and mediocrity. God wants us to take risks, to know the thrill and exhilaration of dreaming big...Every place our hands and feet go, we bring the Lord Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection...This is your season to allow Him to awaken His dreams for your life. God's dreams for you are much bigger than your dreams could ever be. Our whole way of thinking has to change because we think too small."

This article made me do a little research and I found out that Jill Austin also has a book called "Dancing with Destiny" - so I ordered it - and it came after I left for ladies retreat. Which was really ok, because I was continuing to sort some things within and then everything at Ladies retreat was going to build on the things I was mulling.

While I hadn't necessarily come to any conclusions or wrapped things up nice and tidy in my mind, I did feel God impressing some things on my heart in general. I feel like I am missing out on so much with my kids. I stayed home to instill things in them that they would be missing if they went to school. Every day, I feel like I come up short on so many different levels: time, energy, and mostly - fun. I want more laughter in our house. More giggles. For learning to be fun. And for our kids just to thrive. They aren't obscenely lacking...but I want MORE. Does that make sense? Going into the weekend of retreat I had been pondering a lot of this and been seriously looking at the curriculum we were using and also how it tied into so many other levels. My schedule, my routine, my expectations. And I just felt like I needed to "lighten up" on many of those levels. Not be so tied to a "time-frame". Not be so rigid in others.

I truly feel that God has been impressing on me to relax on so many different levels. But there is a part of me that thinks - not possible! Won't happen. Can't do it. I can't do it. That little inner voice that sooooo needs to be silenced. I'm being called to embrace things that God has for me. To throw off the mediocrity in my life. Start dreaming.

(to be continued... :)

Three and Free...

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Today we all went to visit Christin and her girls and have lunch with Daddy, since he had to work a long shift today. Just as we were leaving our friends (and I did call Christin beforehand to let her know of our expedition), Zachary started doing the "pee-pee" dance in his carseat. We were literally only a few minutes from the restaurant and I asked if he could wait. "NO! I need to go now!"

Unbuckled. Ran up to the porch. Knocked on the door. Nothing. We've literally only been gone minutes from their house...so either Christin is hiding and praying we won't remember she's home...or she just didn't hear us. *grins* I didn't dare ring the bell (the whole sleeping baby thing was going on)...so...he's a boy. He has to pee. There were bushes....Christin's bushes, so I did try to at least take him to the neighbor's side (hee hee). Mind you, this is the first time that I have ever let him know that he can pee outside. It just hadn't dawned on him before (thankfully).

Mission accomplished. We proceeded to lunch and Zachary was thrilled with his first "outdoor adventure". One would think this would be the end of the story, but alas, no.

After we got home, I attempted to barricade myself in the bathroom for a moment of peace, until of course Zachary came banging on the door. "I need to go potty!" Apparently he's forgotten that he passed another bathroom on his way to bother me. I told him to go use his bathroom. He didn't want to, but eventually left and I assumed that he finally gave up waiting for me and used the other bathroom.

Until Laurianna started yelling.

"Mom! Come now! You have to see what Zachary is doing! Come quick!"

So I did. I ran, figuring he'd managed to get into something (again) and wasn't sure what to expect. I most definitely did not expect to find my son, standing on the back deck in 40 degree weather with his pants down and PEEING OFF THE DECK!!!

Story Time

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McKenna is "reading" to Zachary - Bible stories. And praying with him. So, I just had to listen in to her reading and especially the prayer.

Prayer 1: "Jesus, help me to know that storms are bad and can hurt me. Help me be brave." (This prayer followed Jesus calming the sea).

A boy said "Don't kill Jesus, He's my friend." So they let go of Jesus cause they didn't want to hurt him after what the boy said. Then Jesus took the boy on a walk. And they didn't know someone was behind them trying to trap Jesus. And the boy told them not to trap Jesus, because he didn't want Jesus to die.

Prayer 2: "Jesus, help me to know that sometimes we get caught. Please help me know that it's not that scary if there's a rainstorm or if you get catched. In Jesus name, Amen."

There's that deep theology again. The Bible stories you never knew about. :)

If you want to read more fun kiddo sayings, click on the Tiny Talk logo below...

Coming Home...

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There is nothing like the feeling of being home...in your own space. The familiar smells. Lots of little familiar faces. And your own bed (I am looking forward to that almost the most!) I wasn't gone that long, but I was without a computer this weekend - and wonderfully so, I might add. Our church had it's annual ladies retreat and I headed off and left my WONDERFUL husband with our 4 kiddos at home to spend 2 nights away...with friends and most importantly digging deeper into Jesus.

I am still processing a lot of stuff from this weekend and will most likely share some more in-depth a little later this week, as I have time and deeper insight into things. :) Overall, it was absolutely wonderful. The time with friends was so much fun. I roomed with Christin from Meandering Through and Crystal from Birth of a Midwife - we were blessed to have a great room that adjoined with Christin's mom's room, who was our speaker for the weekend. The time growing together and learning more about God's heart for us and digging deeper was so encouraging - both personally and as an overall body of women.

So, I will share more later (and I'm sure Christin will have lots to write too!). For now, I will post a picture of Christin and I that we took Saturday night - just to prove we know each other. :) So, here's a pic of us - and I will refrain from posting some of the other lovely pictures that I took (hee hee) for fear of retribution!

Honesty is Hard

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Today when we sat down to homeschool, Laurianna sat quietly for a little bit and then was hanging her head down while she said, "Mom, I need to tell you something." I let McKenna start working on something else and asked her what was going on. She pulled out her phonics test from the day before.

"Yesterday when I was taking my phonics test and you had to get up and help Zachary go to the bathroom, I....opened your book and I looked at the answers on this one and this one because I didn't know how to do it. I copied the answers. I'm a cheater."

Despite the "seriousness" of the occassion, I was trying so hard not to smile. She was truly so pitiful looking (very sorry) and I was thinking about something that I had just started praying for the girls two days ago. As I was listening to them in their room in the morning talking, I just started praying that the Holy Spirit would always convict them when they were doing something wrong - and that they would just tell me or Rick on their own because of that conviction. That I wouldn't have to be the "police" of sorts. Talk about a quick response!

I was immensely proud of her for telling me, since I had no clue. I remember seeing that she had them right and thinking "wow!" but she's a smart kiddo. We talked about it and prayed together and I am so thankful that she was convicted and felt the need to talk to me about it and be honest with me - despite how difficult it was.

Being in Context

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Lately we've been hiding our laughing. Quite a bit. In relation to a certain 3-year-old living in our house. He thinks in his little mind that he is rather grown up, so there are times that he starts talking and thinks that he knows how things should be. He also loves to use catchy phrases. Which at times we wonder where he picks them up - apparently some of them are from me. It's really rather funny hearing them from your children though. I seem to use the phrase "You've got to be kidding me!" quite a bit (when I tried to dispute this, I got the raised eyebrows and "look" from my husband...sigh).

Yesterday we were on our way to church and I was chewing some bubblegum that I found stole from the kids candy bags they got at the grocery store (since we don't let them chew gum - not trying to be a mean mommy, I just don't want to find it everywhere). I was trying to be discreet, but our kids have the best noses of any kids I know. They can smell any contraband item from a mile away.

McKenna was in the far back of the van and starts asking, "What is that smell?" I obviously know what it is and sink a little lower in my seat and attempt to hide from the kids. The kids start piping up trying to figure it out and Laurianna says, "It's bubblegum! Mom, are you eating gum?" Busted. So I turn around and say that I am, to which Zachary then puts in his two cents.

"See, McKenna. It's bubblegum. You GOT to be kidding me." He then starts laughing like he has said the funniest, most appropriate thing. Rick and I just tried to hide our faces and laugh. That little phrase pops up all the time from his mouth and he seems to think that it is appropriate - especially when he emphasizes various words in the sentence. It's not so much that he uses the phrase that cracks us up. It's that he thinks he knows how to use it - and thinks he sounds like such a big boy.